I tried out a new spread while using my Osho Zen Tarot deck today, and boy oh boy it was a doozy! I sure love my cards. There are days like today, when my cards make me giggle with delight. How the hell does this stuff work anyway? I am an eternal believing skeptic (when it comes to this stuff) even though it always speaks the Truth to me, so what's the deal?
So my issue (around my question regarding relationships in my life) appears to be that I am 'Flowering', which for me, is a hard thing to wrap my head around. Why you may ask? Well, to voice the words yelling at me from inside my head, "you are undeserving, you are undeserving, you are undeserving, etc. etc.", you get the point. Apparently, some part of me thinks I am undeserving of this 'flowering'. Thankfully, the other part of me says BULLSHIT - I am totally deserving. I have worked hard to get where I am now! I have worked hard to let go of old patterns, to recognize where my limitations are, to try not judge myself for them, and basically to be more loving and compassionate towards myself and therefor others. I am totally deserving of this blessing of flowering. (Hmmm, maybe it isn't that hard after-all.)
I love the flowering of this flower...
The internal influence I'm unable to see is 'Change'. Change is really hard for me, it scares me, I can feel it in my body and because of my fear, it hurts. There has been a whole lot of change happening in my life, emotionally and otherwise. I think it's time for me to sit in peaceful silence with this knowing, to honor myself and extend my gratitude out to the universe, instead of running away from it screaming "retreat, retreat". I have worked hard to achieve this necessary change, it has happened, it is happening, and I deserve this.
Speaking of change, here's something else that changed.
It kept me company one day....
The external influence of which I am aware is 'ripeness'. I am ready to go. Like fruit that falls from a tree when it is ripe, I too, can relax in this place and just let go. There isn't any need for me to try so hard, or force myself to do anything because I am ripe and I deserve this.
What is needed for resolution (in my relationships) is 'Mind' - a very intimidating looking card - but the card that made the delight burst forward from within me. It was my "ah ha" card of the spread. Right now, I don't have to worry about anyone but instead pay attention to myself, to my feelings, to my wants and needs. And it's important for me to realize that the head trip that is happening, isn't mine... It isn't mine. I am in a place of flowering, change and ripeness, I have worked hard to get here and I deserve this.
And lastly the resolution or understanding is 'No-thingness'. I am in a state of pure potential right now and in the words of my Osho book:
All you can do now is to relax into this no-thingness...fall into this silence between the words...watch this gap between the outgoing and incoming breath. And treasure each empty moment of the experience. Something sacred is about to be born.
Have I mentioned I deserve this? Because if I haven't...
I deserve this.
*and exhale*
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